courage

I'm scared to practice because I'm afraid I'll get discouraged again, but if I don't practice, then I will be creating more discouragement because I will not improve.  So I need to have courage and just try.

discouraged

Today practice was discouraging.  I keep tackling stuff that's too hard for me, maybe?  I should spend more time playing stuff that I can play and getting my muscles strong, maybe.  I am having a hard time with this one phrase of my new solo where I'm supposed to slur something that seem impossible to slur.  This is where a teacher might be helpful.  But Ming found a metronome, and I played my solo with it, too slow, and that was good.

singing to myself

Yesterday I had wasn't feeling well and didn't practice.  Today I was feeling better, and I got finished practicing just now.  I had a good practice.  I played another recognizable tune that I got off the internet.  It was fun. 

And I worked on a very simple solo.  I almost got it down, actually.  That's how simple it is.  I have the piano part so the bassoon music is small on the top.  But I want to take it to my friend who plays piano and play it with her.  The rhythm is actually a little tricky.  I had to pat my thigh and sing it to myself.

good again

Practice this morning was good again.  I played some Weissenborn that's supposed to be legato but I'm playing it with the notes separated.  I just wanted some different music, but I don't know if I'm ready for legato.  I'll try tomorrow.

I played someone nice's free arrangement of a little Bach, a minuet.  Just the first ten bars or so.  It was fun to play something recognizable.

I'm having trouble with a couple high notes I'm trying.  My left thumb doesn't want to find the correct key.  I stop and look down.

good

Practice this morning was good.  My left arm doesn't hurt anymore.  I played four scales--F major, B flat major, C major, and G major.  And I played a little of a chromatic scale, starting low.  I'm moving through the first few pages of the Weissenborn.  I tinkered with some solos and didn't get very far at all.  I need to learn the fingerings of more high notes.  I was telling Ming how it's easier to have someone show me than puzzling over the symbols.  So again I'm lamenting my lack of teacher.

And I resist tenor clef.  One day I will have to relearn it, but I never had a good grasp on it to begin with!

again

This morning I practiced again.  I don't feel the sense of elation I felt yesterday, realizing how much I remembered.  I just feel the sense that I have a long road ahead of me.  It's a good road, but lonely to trudge on my own.  Wish I had a teacher.  Wish I didn't worry about bothering neighbors.

My left arm aches, some muscles I'm not used to using.  My mouth feels good, though.  The open F where only the whisper key is pressed, hard to keep that in tune.  I mean, I'm sure I'm out of tune a lot, but that note seems so vulnerable. 

yes

This morning I practiced.  It was my first time in more than...16 years or something like that.  I'm amazed at what I remember.  I played some Weissenborn and my favorite scale.  I did remember that scale. 

I puzzled over a fingering chart I found on the internet. 

I need more scales to play because I don't remember them.  And I wish to apologize to my neighbors, but I don't know if I will.  

The smell of cork grease, the sound of spit in the bocal, the feeling of doing something different and meaningful and good with my body.  The sound of making sound.